The Beard by Stella James

Author:Stella James [James, Stella]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-07-24T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eleven

Masturbating is Like Riding a Bike

Subtitle: The Next Great American Fisherman

The loud chime of my phone rips me from sleep. Muttering a curse, I slap my hand around clumsily on the nightstand until I find it.

“This better be Ryan Reynolds or I’m hanging up,” I grumble.

“Nope, just us,” Tully chirps.

“Did we wake you up?” Bell asks. “It’s lunchtime.”

“Not here it isn’t,” I whine. “It’s just after seven.”

“Oh right, I forgot about the time difference,” Tully says. “Well now that you’re up, how’s it going?”

I groggily fill my sisters in on the events leading up to Kyle’s current condition and the day I spent with Will. I also tell them that Will is, in fact, my would-have-been one-night stand.

“No way!” Bell exclaims. “Of course that would happen to you,” she laughs.

“It’s not funny,” I say. “Do you know how hard it’s been to be around him these last few days? My hormones are in overdrive. It’s like they recognize him or something. They know he was going to potentially end the dry spell and now they crave him like little sex pigs.”

“So, what’s the problem?” Tully asks. “Based on what you’ve said, it seems like the feeling is mutual and he knows you and Kyle are just playing house. I say, feed those sex piggies.”

“The problem, Tulip, is that he’s my boyfriend’s brother, and as far as the rest of Kyle’s family knows, he and I are in a committed, fantastic fucking relationship. I can’t compromise the mission just to get my lady rocks off. That’s totally selfish.”

“Does Kyle know that you almost bumped uglies with his brother?” Bell snickers.

“No,” I sigh. “He’s under enough stress right now, I didn’t want to add to it. Besides, it’s fine. I hardly know Will anyways. I’m sure I can control myself. He’s just so mmm. I don’t even have words,” I say. “God, I don’t think I’ve been even mildly attracted to a man since Todd.”

“I don’t know, Pop. You better release some of that tension before you end up jumping on the poor guy’s face,” Tully says.

“I agree,” Bell chimes in. “You better give yourself some love. It’ll clear your mind.”

“You’re probably right,” I reply. “Ugh, enough about me. What’s new at home?”

We chat for a few more minutes, I nag Bell about making sure she checks in with Angela for her schedule for the rest of the week, and listen to Tully vent about some other mom at school giving her shit for sending a family size box of Twinkies to yesterday’s class party.

I’m wide awake by the time we hang up and decide I might as well get ready for the day. I stumble to the bathroom and as I brush my teeth, my eyes land on the reflection of the shower head in the mirror. Hmmm.

I was far too embarrassed to tell my sisters that due to the apathetic nature of my recent slump, I seem to have forgotten how to masturbate. I’m packing over a year’s worth of orgasms in my invisible chastity belt.

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